How To Get Rid of a Stage 5 Clinger (Or Anyone, Really)
Soo…. You’ve Tindered your way to a match. Congrats.
The only problem is—and this is outside of the horrifying fact that your Tinder is a little less the JT look-alike his profile pic presented and entirely more ALF—you’re not feeling the feller.
Many a reason could be the culprit, but it doesn’t really matter why you two aren’t clicking, you just ain’t.
And what’s worse, is that Creepy McGee is pushy. I mean, you just met and he’s already crashing your dinner plans, he can’t take a freaking hint about the PDA, and FOR. THE. LOVE. why does he insist on showing you take after take of his sun-soaking cat?
Yup, he’s Too Much, Too Soon guy.
You’re about 5 seconds in and your inner guide is all, “Gurrrrl, we ain’t got to go home but we got to get the FACK up outta here.”
And you start planing your exit strategy, STAT. Here, a few key moves in your chase-him-away game of chess.
1) Be honest.
As terrifying as it might be, delivering the not-so-great news straight up is the most mature (yay!), respectful (double yay!) and effective (hot damn!) way to solve a sticky suitor situation. It’s also the option that is more in line with your authenticity creed—being strong, smart and emotionally together enough to give a man the respect you’d want him to give you in the reverse scenario—so I can’t, in good conscience, seriously advise otherwise.
Now, if homeboy can’t take “no” for an answer, feel free to transition into…
2) The Slow Fade.
The most common of the dumping tactics, this play happens in lieu of stepping up to the challenge of being honest. As much as I’d like to advocate this—it’s easier, duh—it just doesn’t feel very karma-positive, you know? We HATE when men do this to us. It drives us downright batty, and it’s the classic spineless guy move. So why would we want to channel him? (Unless you’ve employed tactic #1 to no avail, then by all means, get fadey with it.)
And three more for funsies (read: you probably shouldn’t do these):
3) The Digital Backdown.
Use any method of impersonal virtual communication to send him packing. Texting, email, Twitter, Gchat, Facebook poke, visual voicemail, Snapchat… well maybe not Snapchat since your Snap will most likely look something like this:
4) The 7th Grade Sendoff.
You’re never too old to have your friend do your dirty work.
5) Bang ‘em.
Ha. This has about a 50% success rate. He may never call you again (phew). But on the flip, he could fall madly in love with you and become even more addicted. Who’s up for gambling?