The Self-Love Formula

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He May Be Non-Committal, But That Doesn’t Mean He Doesn’t Like You

I need you to understand one thing: Men and women think differently.

Once we grasp this, all dating problems worldwide will be solved. But then I’d be out of a blog, so…

Just because a situation makes sense to you, does not mean it makes the same kind of sense to your manly mate.

Here’s a “for instance” to consider. You’ve been dating for a few months and spending an exTRAORDINARY amount of time together. Nothing’s wrong–on the contrary, everything’s damn near perfect–but nothing’s really moving forward either…

What gives?

There are a few options to ponder. But here’s what I don’t want you to do: I don’t want you to immediately dive into that self-doubting, self-deprecating, he’s-just-not-into-me place. Because you don’t belong there.

You really think that he’d spend THIS much time on the phone with you (remember, guys hate chatting incessantly. Haaaaate it.)?

You think he’d hang out with you this much? Spend so much of his precious chill-with-the-boys-and-cruise-chicks free time on you?

You think he doesn’t feel that connection? You think his mind isn’t blown after every 5-hour conversation you have, the ease with which you hang and the intensity of your sexual attraction?

Girl, you cray.

If he was totally, completely, 100% not into you, you would not be hearing from him this much. If the opportunity came up (ha, see what I did there?), he would have banged you and then been all, BYE, BOO. BYE!

But I understand where you’re getting tripped up. In your mind, it makes total sense that if the connection is strong and he’s feeling you and you’re digging him and everything’s clicking, that of COURSE you two would eventually, preferably sooner-rather-than-later become committed to one another. It’s almost impossible to find this feeling–so the logical thing is to lock it up, right?

Eh, not exactly.

A guy has to figure out where you fit in his life, and even if you’re his dream girl–like, checking every item off of his relationship resume requirements, more beautiful than he ever thought possible, makes him want to be a better person dream girl–if he’s not ready for you, guess who’s not getting to the next level of commitment?

<—– This girl. Yup.

Your Venus is all, “What’s the hold-up, brah?” And his Mars is like, [sheepishly raises hand] “Sorry, doll.”

Because even though you’re amazing (trust me, he is fully aware), there is something else in his mind that doesn’t click, and–here’s the big takeaway–this really doesn’t have anything to do with you.

It could be that he’s scared of being vulnerable with you.

His job has him flying all over the country every week.

It could be timing (I’ve been tryna tell ya…).

He doesn’t feel like he could give you what you need and deserve.

Hey, I mean, maybe he has a girlfriend.

But it’s not because he’s not into you. Knock that nonsense off.

You know that you’re wonderful and he’d be crazy not to be all over THIS. Whatever else he has to work out? Well, that’s on him. Do not–I repeat, DO NOT–internalize this as you being unworthy on any level. Don’t be silly.



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“He May Be Non-Committal, But That Doesn’t Mean He Doesn’t Like You”
  • This is great because I’m exactly in this situation right now. A good friend of mine kinda took things out of the friend zone in a big way and he’s not in the head space to date. Am I crushed?! Yes! He told me I’m his best friend, gorgeous, beautiful, funny, smart, witty, sexy and the most amazing woman he’s ever met. And now this. So, what now?! Do I just move on? We started as friends and I don’t want to lose that, but I also have really strong feelings for him. If it’s not me and its him, then what?!

    • Hi Shauna,
      Thanks so much for reading! Sorry he led you on like that. Not cool. Sounds like you’re hearing what he’s telling you straight up, which is he cannot and will not give you what you want, need, and deserve. So no use in wasting time trying to convince him to be with you, right? Plus, you want to be with someone who unequivocally says “EFF YES” to being with you, no question. It’s ridic hard to be friends with someone for whom you have feelings (trust me, I’ve tried and failed miserably). What you need here is space and time. You may be able to come back to the friendship in a few months (years, even–ugh, I know that sucks to hear but sometimes that’s how long it takes…) until your feelings for him die off. Just don’t limit yourself and get stuck staying hopeful of him changing his mind — it won’t happen and you could miss the opportunities to find the guy who wants to say “EFF YES” to being in a relationship with you.


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